


Curves

by TipsyBlue



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Charlie Bradbury & Dean Winchester Friendship, Endgame Destiel, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, No Smut, POV Dean Winchester, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, bi panic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:42:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27747706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TipsyBlue/pseuds/TipsyBlue
Summary: The one where Dean finds himself a girlfriend and it seems to be all fine until he meets a certain guy named Castiel and then it's just bi panic - or the one called 'Curves' because Dean's not even sure anymore if he's as straight as he always though he was.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/OC
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. Movie Dream Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to some more destiel because what else is worth staying awake?  
> Jk, this is the slow beginning of this fic, I hope you'll enjoy ~

# CHAPTER ONE

## Movie Dream Girl

The blonde girl in the front seat was looking at him. With a wide smile, and her blue eyes were sparkling. Maybe he knew her, but he didn’t have any memory of having met her. Or maybe she just found him good looking, as many girls seemed to do. “Is she hitting on me?” he thought to himself. “Probably”, he concluded, as she glanced at him several other times before the movie began. He ate his popcorn and focused on the large lit screen. He was used to coming to the cinema on Tuesday nights, usually with Charlie, but her shift had been changed this week and she wasn’t free to come. So he had chosen to come by himself as the movie was starring one of his favorite actresses.

It was actually good, though much different than what he expected. The actress he liked had had a role jarring with what she usually played, and oddly enough it suited her very well. He didn’t think she would have been that comfortable with playing a villain since she had more or less always been the pretty girl, or the adventurous one, who always wins in the end, or meets the perfect guy.

Dean didn’t wait for the end of the credits to get up and go out. He wanted to hang out a bit more since it was still early and that he didn’t have to wake up the day after. But Charlie wasn’t there and he didn’t want to go in a bar full of strangers, didn’t feel like it tonight, pretending to be interested in every girl who would talk to him and to listen kindly to the drunk men’s problems. He stood still outside the cinema thinking of what he could do. Charlie was at work until 1 a.m. which was pretty late and she would probably be too tired to party after her shift. Sam was out of town as he had moved in with Jessica. And Dean didn’t have many close friends. He knew quite a lot of people who willingly talked to him when he ran into them but they were not exactly his friends.

“Well…” He didn’t have time to finish the sentence in his head as a hand was laid down on his shoulder. He turned back.

“Hello, Dean.” It was the girl from the cinema, still with the wide smile.

“Uh hey…” he smiled back at her but with a forced smile. “I don’t wanna be rude but, how do you know my name?”

She giggled. “I came to the store you’re working at this week, and I saw your name on the badge you were wearing.” she explained.

“Oh, right. Sorry for not remembering that…” he plainly apologized.

“It’s okay, you were busy giving advice to another customer, I don’t think you even saw me.” the girl explained.

“Was I? Good for me then. I was worried that you were someone who I had met before and couldn’t even remember.” he replied with a laugh. “So, did you follow me here? Are you a dangerous stalker? Should I call the police?” he kidded, as he didn’t really know what to say in this particular situation or what she wanted from him.

“No, I’m fine. I just live nearby and I come here pretty often. I even got the cinema card, in case you wanna check.”

“That’s okay, I’m not a stalker either and I’m not police.”

She laughed.

“Did you like the film?” he asked, attempting not to let the conversation die, which would have been embarrassing for both of them.

“I did. What did you think?”

“I liked the actress, she surprised me.”

“Yeah, me too.”

There it was, silence. Dean passed a hand in his hair and on his neck. “Well, I think I’m gonna go home” he said with his deep voice.

“Maybe I can buy you a drink?” she asked. He hesitated. “…or maybe another day?” she added as she had noticed that he didn’t seem to be comfortable with the invitation. She took out a pen a notebook of her bag and wrote down her phone number on it, before tearing it away and handing it to Dean. “You text me; whenever you want.” she said cheerfully.

Dean nodded and looked at the number to make sure he could read it correctly before he put it in his back pocket. “I will.” he replied, smiling, and started to go away. “Oh, by the way, I didn’t get your name.” he said, turning back towards her.

“Hailie.” she simply answered, with a smile.

“Goodnight, Hailie.” he said, before walking away.

____________

Ding. 1:02 a.m.

**Charlie:** _Soooo, how was the movie??_

Dean opened his eyes and struggled to reach for his phone.

**Dean –** _It was great._

**Dean –** _You should go see it._

**Charlie –** _What about Kayla? Was she beautiful??_

**Dean –** _Of course she was. You’re gonna like her more than ever._

**Charlie –** _Oooh, you’re teasing me! I wish I hadn’t got to go to work tonight._

**Charlie –** _What are you doing, why are you still up?_

**Dean –** _Your text woke me._

**Charlie –** _Ugh sorry ‘bout that._

**Dean –** _That’s okay. I can sleep in tomorrow._

**Charlie –** _Wanna grab coffee after lunch?_

**Dean –** _Sure. Aren’t you supposed to work?_

**Charlie –** _Day off. For making me work so late O:)_

**Dean –** _Great. See you then._

**Charlie –** _Goodnight!_

Dean put his phone back on his bedside table. He didn’t manage to fall back to sleep however. He grabbed his jeans that were lying on the floor next to his bed and took the scrap of paper out of his pocket and entered the number written on it in his phone. He started to type:

**Dean –** _Hey. It’s Dean. Are you free on Friday night? I thought we could hang out maybe._

He looked at his screen for some long seconds, but he didn’t send the message. Nor did he delete it. He lay back on his bed and put his phone away. Anyway, he was going to see Charlie, he could talk to her about it first. It was a shame she wasn’t there to see Hailie. Charlie had always been really good at figuring out right away if a girl was gonna be good or toxic for Dean. And he had to admit that he hadn’t always listened to her. But now he knew better. He fell asleep again.

____________

Dean sat at a table in the coffee where they were used to going with Charlie when they met after work or on the weekends. It was rather small, and cozy, and the waiter knew their orders by heart. Two cappuccinos. They didn’t even have to ask anymore. He saw her coming, with a big smile on her face, as always.

“Hey Charlie! You look great for someone who ended her shift at 1 a.m. You gotta tell me how you do that.”

She sat across the table. “What can I say, I love my job.” she replied with a grin. She worked for a company that provided other companies hackers to test their firewalls and see if there were any flaw or loophole to be found and fixed in order to prevent future cyberattacks. “So, what’s new?”

“Hum…well…” Dean started to slur. 

“No way, you’ve met someone!?” Charlie exclaimed.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Uh Charlie, it’s so annoying when you do that; I mean come on, just lemme at least explain and fake to be surprised…” Dean pretended to scold her.

“I’m sorry I can’t help it. You’re just so predictable, you seem to forget how to act properly when you’re about to talk about a girl.” she explained. “So?? What’s her name? Did you meet her last night when I wasn’t there!? That would be rude. And omg, have you slept with her?”

“Gosh Charlie, you’re exhausting” Dean laughed. He thanked the waiter who put their drinks down on the table and took a sip of his hot beverage, taking his time, making Charlie wait. She looked daggers at him; she knew that he was doing it on purpose. “Okay then. To begin with, no I didn’t sleep with her. And yes I met her yesterday; sue me, she’s the one who came up to me. Her name is Hailie. Apparently, she’s gotten my name from the store when she came to buy stuff this week.”

“Oh. Slightly disappointed that you haven’t wildly jumped on her but okay.” Dean rolled his eyes again. “Buuut she may be a stalker and _that’s_ interesting.” she added with a smirk.

“Come on Charlie, you’re the stalker in the story, I’m sure you’re gonna know all of her since she was born just thanks to me giving you her first name.”

“Hum, true!” Charlie answered, proud of herself. “So what did you do together if you didn’t sleep with her? Are you gonna see her again?”

“We just talked briefly outside the cinema before I went home. She wanted to buy me a drink but she just gave me her number as I hesitated to accept.”

“Have you texted her yet?”

“No, I almost did when you woke me up this night, but I figured out had better waited to see you.”

“Oh, poor Hailie. I’m sure she’s dying to hear from you. Was she pretty?”

“Stunning I’d say.” Dean answered casually. He was used to being crushed on by hot or cute girls, and he didn’t want to sound too interested in her, not more than he would have been in any other girl anyway.

“Now I’m jealous.” Charlie pretended to pout.

“Well, if you want to I can introduce you to her.” Dean offered sincerely.

“Nah, I don’t steal my friends’ dates.”

“So should I text her?”

“Hell Dean, you know what you want better than me. Go for it if you liked her!” Charlie encouraged him.

Dean shrugged his shoulder and drank his cappuccino. It was true that he hadn’t been in a relationship since long ago. And one-night stands were starting to bore him. Maybe he should give Hailie a chance. He didn’t really know though, she was stunning but he wasn’t eager to see her again either.

“Ah, our pretty face is jaded I see.” Charlie kidded him.

“Come on, you’re pickier than I am.”

“Guilty.” Charlie admitted.

“Are you free on Friday night, by the way?” she asked.

“I’m not sure yet, why is that?”

“I wanted to go to the casino. But we can go on Saturday night if you prefer.”

“Alright, let’s say Saturday.”

“Maybe you’ll have interesting things to tell me by then.” Charlie said with an impish look.

“Yeah, well maybe I won’t tell you anything if you keep teasing me like that.” Dean joked around.

“Aha, you bet. You’ll come whining for me to give you advice.”

She was right, Dean knew he probably would, as he always did. He finished his coffee down in one drink and stood up. “I gotta go if I don’t want to be late for my shift. I’ve got to stop at my apartment on my way to the store to change clothes. See you this weekend?”

“Yeah! Can’t wait to see you wearing a tuxedo.” Charlie grinned; he winced, he didn’t like wearing tuxedos that much.

“Later Charlie.” he replied with a smile before leaving.


	2. Restless Nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone ~   
> This one's a little bit longer. Still not destiel, but we're getting to it, I promise!

# CHAPTER TWO

## Restless Nights

Dean was working in a little grocery shop that he owned. He wouldn’t have said that it was his dream job but he liked seeing the same familiar faces come each week, trying to guess what they were gonna cook with what they were buying; plus he got to watch his favorite movies when there were no customers and had enough free time outside of work to go out and see his friends and family. Nothing fancy, but everything he needed to be quite happy with his life as it was – for now, at least.

He put his hands in his pockets and his finger touched a little scrap of paper, and he could remember that Hailie’s number was written on it. He unfolded it and held it in his hand while typing it down in his phone. Why not give the girl a chance and have some good time after all?

**Dean –** _Hey. It’s Dean. Are you free on Friday night? I thought we could hang out maybe._

She answered more quickly than he expected he expected her to.

**(585) 274 5603 –** _Hello Dean. Friday night sounds good. 9 p.m. outside the cinema?_

**Dean –** _Copy. See you there._

He added her phone number to his contact list. He put his phone back in his pocket, he wasn’t either happy or unhappy. He just expected nothing in particular from this date.

A “Excuse me sir, could you help me please?” broke his train of thoughts and his retail smile was back on his lips in less than a second.

He looked up to see a rather old woman. “Good afternoon, madam! Sure, what are you looking for?”

“Do you have tomato sauce?”

“We do. Let me get that for you.” he said with an affable smile. He came back with several boxes of it one minute later.

“Thank you, young man.” said the lady as she took two of the boxes.

“You’re welcome.” Dean replied, always eager to help.

“How much do I owe you?”

“$3,25 please.” She handed him a five-dollar bill and he gave her the change.

“Goodbye young man.” she said, walking away slowly with her walking stick.

“Thank you m’am, you too.”

Just another typical day at the store. As there was no other customer there, he started to wipe the ground and tidy the shelves.

He was about to end his shift – his colleague was to arrive in a few minutes –, when a man came in. “Hum, hello. I would like to purchase some cigarettes.” Dean thought that he had a peculiar way of speaking. And assumed that he must have been smoking for a long time given the depth of his voice.

“Sure sir. Which ones would you like?”

“Uh, Winston? please.” The man answered. Dean assumed he wanted a pack of Winston blue and handed him the cigarettes. “Thank you. Do you have a lighter as well?” The man seemed a bit unsettled and Dean made an effort not to frown and ask him what was going on. It wasn’t his place to ask or to judge him after all. Maybe it was just the way he was: weird.

“Of course. Pick whichever you’d like.” Dean replied evenly, showing him the box full of lighters.

“Oh, I hadn’t seen them.” He looked down. “There, this one will be fine” he added, picking a lighter as blue as his eyes. But definitely, the man didn’t seem like someone who smoked, Dean thought. He looked like an overworked lawyer, or maybe a producer, he couldn’t make up his mind. He was wearing a long pale trench coat and had dark messy hair (which tipped the scale in favor of the producer hypothesis). He had a serious expression on his face, as if he was really focusing on each and everything he did, or constantly got lost in his thoughts. He paid for the cigarettes and for the lighter, thanked Dean and went away.

Two minutes later, Rachel clocked in. “Did everything go fine today?” she asked Dean as she started to put on the store jacket.

“Yes. It was pretty calm. I think you won’t be exhausted when you go home.” he answered with a smile.

“Good. Well I’m ready, you can go.” she stated passing behind the counter.

“Thanks Rache, good luck for tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow. Are you sure you wanna take the first shift by the way? I can do it instead if you want.” he offered as he was on the doorstep.

“Thanks, but I think I’ll be fine, don’t worry. Enjoy your night!”

Dean thanked her and got out. He walked a few steps and turned back as he heard someone coughing loudly. He saw the man in the trench coat almost spitting his lungs.

“Hey, sir, are you okay?” he asked, walking towards him to help him. “Do you want me to bring you a glass of water? That might help.” he suggested.

“No thank you, I’ll be fine.” the man answered, still coughing. He stood up straight. “Do you smoke?”

“I don’t. Why do you ask?” Dean replied.

“I could have used tips on how you’re supposed to do that.” he was answered. Dean frowned.

“Are you trying to start smoking?”

The man nodded. That sounded like one of the stupidest things Dean had ever heard, although he considered himself as a dumbass capable of doing really really dumb things, especially when he’d had a little too much alcohol.

“Why would you do that? So many people are trying to quit.” he asked however calmly.

“I’m feeling cold inside. I thought it might warm me up.”

Dean was even more bewildered. He gave up the producer hypothesis as well. The guy was just a total wreck. “Listen man, smoking is not gonna help you. I don’t know what is going on in your life but cigarettes definitely won’t solve it. At best it’s gonna make it worst by making you sick. You need to find help.” Dean explained.

The man didn’t answer.

“Do you know anybody in town? Do you want my phone number? You could text me if you need.” Dean offered spontaneously.

The man hesitated and shook his head eventually.

“Alright. But don’t do anything stupid please. You know where I work, you can come see me if you want, okay?”

The man nodded.

Dean felt that he wouldn’t get another word from the man and he didn’t want to insist, and as there was nothing else he could do, he wished the man a pleasant evening and walked away. It was almost night but there was still trails of light in the sky.

____________

Friday night came by and Dean was ready for his date. He had dressed up casually and arrived at the cinema a bit early. He took a deep breath and checked his phone one last time. He had one unread text.

 **Charlie –** _Go, pretty face, enjoy your night!_

Dean saw that she had sent a smirking face emoji and he smiled at his screen.

“Hey.”

He looked up; it was Hailie. “Were you talking to your Thursday date?” she asked him, visibly kidding.

“We’re not even officially dating and you already don’t trust me, I see.” Dean joked back.

“I don’t know, you’re just too handsome to be true. I’m trying to figure out where your flaw lies.” she replied, tilting her head with a smile. Her face was pretty, with thin features, underlined by the neon lights of the cinema.

“Where should we go?” he asked her.

“I get to pick the place?”

“You wanted to take me out the other night. I assumed you had an idea.”

Her eyes sparkled. “I do. Hope you’ll like it.”

She led him across the streets, to a dim lit bar where there were already people drinking and talking loudly.

“Is that fine?” she asked.

“As long as they have whisky…” he smirked.

She chose a booth somewhere far into the pub. She walked to the counter to order their drinks and came back with two glasses.

“Really, you paid for me? That’s nice of you.” Dean appreciated.

“That’s nice of you to have accepted to see me. I wasn’t sure I’d hear from you, I thought I might have annoyed you the other night.”

“You didn’t. I was just a bit thrown off by your proposition I guess. But it isn’t difficult to say yes to a pretty girl like you. What are you drinking?”

She laughed at the compliment but didn’t blush. She knew she was pretty. “Cosmopolitan.”

“Girly stuff.”

“Screw you.” she replied, laughing.

They talked a lot. Hailie was an interesting girl and she always was ready with a quick answer. She seemed to like Dean and alcohol made him more and more attracted to her traits.

After their second drink, Hailie offered that they go to her place. “I’m living in the same building, on the 10th floor. Do you wanna come with me?” she asked looking him in the eye.

Dean nodded, got up and took his leather jacket before walking out of the bar.

She guided her into the building and up to her apartment. Dean didn’t let her the time to show him her home; he pulled her against him as soon as she had shut the door behind them. He kissed her with desire and started to undress her.

“I want you” he said in a deep voice.

She moaned. “Yeah, me too. Come here, the bedroom’s there.” she said, pulling him by the hand.

He entered the room and she pushed him against the wall to kiss him, and then on the bed after having removed his t-shirt. Their legs were intertwined, body against body, and they couldn’t help but to kiss, and to touch each other’s skin.

They spent the night together and didn’t sleep much. Dean thought she was beautiful and it seemed that she found him handsome as well.

The following morning, when she woke up, she turned towards him. He was already awake and texting someone on his phone.

“Hey, you’re still here.”

“Of course I am, where else would you want me to be?”

“Here is just fine.” she said with a smile.

“Bad experiences huh?” he guessed.

“Yes…”

“They’re just idiots they don’t know what they lost.”

Her eyes sparkled.

“Are you gonna want to see me again?”

“I do want to see you again. Are you free next week?”

She seemed pleasantly surprised.

“What?” he asked.

“Still looking for you flaw because apparently it isn’t running away from a stable relationship.” she explained. “And I’m free on Tuesday night, would that work for you?”

“It’s our night out with my best friend. At the movies. But I’m sure she’ll be glad to meet you; if it doesn’t bother you that she’s here.”

“Wow, already ready to introduce me to your friends? I’m impressed.”

“Hey, I’m not a jerk!” Dean defended himself.

“I didn’t say you were one.”

“You seemed to think so.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Tuesday night then? Make sure your friend doesn’t mind that I come, I don’t want to bother.”

Dean smiled. “I’m sure she doesn’t.”

They got up and had breakfast together. Then Dean had to leave. “Thank you for the drinks, and for the night.” he told Hailie, as he was standing on her doorstep.

“My pleasure. I’m looking forward to seeing you on Tuesday. Just text me to say if it’s okay that I come.”

“I will. See you.” Dean replied with a smile before getting home.

____________

**Charlie –** _Soooo? How did it go?_

**Dean –** _It went well._

**Dean –** _We had a few drinks at a bar and then she invited me at her apartment._

**Charlie –** _Oooh, I see. How was it._

**Dean –** _Good._

**Charlie –** _That’s all?_

He smirked, knowing that Charlie was a sucker for details; but he ignored her text on purpose.

**Dean –** _And she wants to see me on Tuesday. Can I tell her to come to the movies with us?_

**Charlie –** _Of course! But I can’t guarantee you that I will behave._

**Dean –** _Come on Charlie, don’t embarrass me._

**Charlie –** _Come on Dean, maybe it’s time you got used to it?_

**Dean –** _Yeah, you’re probably right._

**Charlie –** _But I’m warning you, you’d better show me that you really want to be with her, because you don’t sound convincing right now. Anyway, your eyes can’t lie to me._

**Dean –** _K, sure._

**Dean –** _Where do you want me to meet you tonight?_

**Charlie –** _Can you be to the casino at 10?_

**Dean –** _Sure._

**Dean –** _See you there._

**Charlie –** _Gonna be so much fun!_

____________

When Dean arrived at the casino, Charlie was already there waiting for him.

“Wow Charlie, you’re stunning!” he exclaimed, impressed. She was wearing a long dark green dress, that seemed to be satin. Her long ginger hair was braided on the side. She chuckled.

“Thank you. You’re not bad yourself.” she complimented him back. They were both used to dressing rather casually and hadn’t had many occasions in their lives to see each other well dressed. “Shall we go?” she asked him. He nodded and offered her his arm, and they walked inside together.

The main room was starting to get filled by the regular players as well as the occasional customers who came to enjoy their Saturday night.

“Tell me, what are we doing here? Did we come here to play or would you rather sit in a booth and a bottle of champagne?” Dean asked Charlie while they walked around and that he observed faces passing by him.

“I think we could play. But first of all, let me find some pretty girl.” she answered with a mischievous smile. They kept on walking around.

“I think I saw one for you.” Dean said softly to her, making a sign towards a young woman drinking at the bar.

“Not my type, Dean.”

“Oh because now you have a type? I thought hot and pretty was your type.” Dean teased her.

“It is. But she’s not my type, it shows in the way she’s dressed.” The girl Dean had picked was dressed as a rock girl. And it wasn’t really Charlie’s taste. It was more Dean’s to tell the truth.

“There. Do you wanna play blackjack?” Charlie asked.

“Sure. Who…” Dean didn’t finish his sentence as the girl who was sat at the table not far from him turned around. She was indeed beautiful. Charlie had great taste in women. “I see.” he just said. “Do you want me to play so you can just enjoy the view?”

“Oh Dean, you should know better. I can win this game and win her over at the same time.” she asserted as she sat down at the woman’s table to play. “You watch and learn.”

*

Dean got out of the casino absolutely tipsy. And alone since Charlie had inevitably managed to leave with the girl, and he had drunk so much that he didn’t feel that he had learn much. At least he hadn’t lost any money: he had only given up on his tuxedo – but fuck the tuxedo, he never wore it anyways. Things around him were a blur and it was spinning. He couldn’t drive. He thought he could call a cab but he decided he could try to call Hailie first.

_Beep … beep … beep …_

She answered the call.

_“Dean, is everything alright?”_

“Sure, how are you?”

 _“Well I was sleeping just fine. Why are you calling me so late?”_ She didn’t sound mad or upset, just sleepy.

“I can’t drive, I’ve drank too much. I thought you might come pick me up, I had no idea you were sleeping, I’m sorry. I’ll call a cab.” Dean slurred.

 _“It’s past 2 a.m. Dean, of course I was sleeping.”_ It wasn’t a reproach either. Just a fact.

“Oh is it? I didn’t realize, I’m sorry again.” He didn’t hang up.

_“Don’t call the cab. Now that I’m awake, I can come pick you up. Where are you?”_

“At the casino. Are you sure?” It was clearly audible in his voice that alcohol was filling his blood. It took a few seconds every time before he spoke.

_“Yes. On my way. In the meantime, be careful with yourself okay?”_

Dean nodded.

_“Dean?”_

“Yeah fine.”

She hanged up.

 _Damn_ , he had messed up. Dean couldn’t believe he had been so stupid as to call Hailie in the middle of the night without even checking the time. He felt that all his chances with her had just vanished. And he kinda felt bad but was too drunk to think about it.

A few minutes later – he would have said hours later – a car stopped before him. Hailie got out and opened the door for him. She looked concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Sure.” He was too drunk to even think about thanking her. He got in the car and she closed the door.

She looked at him. “I found it.”

“Oh yeah? That’s just great.” He answered, having no idea of what the hell she was talking about.

She laughed. “Don’t you wanna know what I found?”

He looked surprised. “I do, tell me about it.”

“Your flaw.”

“Oh. Can I have it back?”

She shook her head “You idiot” she said softly, with a smile. “So, where do you live?”

Dean looked at her bewildered. “24th North Street.”

“Alright.” She started the engine and drove him back home.

_

“Dean wake up, we’re there.”

He opened his eyes. “Huh…” He sat straight and looked outside. He recognized his flat. “Oh, right. Thank you Hailie, sorry for having waken you up.”

She smiled at him. “Go to bed now.”

“You too. Goodnight.” He got out of the car, waved her goodbye and stumbled back home. He fell asleep still dressed up. 

____________

He woke up the day after to a giant headache in a hazy world. It was past noon and it took him several long seconds to recall where he was and what had happened the previous night for him to be in this state. He frowned and sighed as he took conscience that he had behaved poorly towards Hailie. He grabbed his phone and texted her.

**Dean –** _Hey. So sorry for last night, drunk me is an asshole. I hope you got some rest._

And that was all. He actually expected her to come up with an excuse for their Tuesday night out. He wouldn’t have been mad. He actually deserved it.

He cooked himself chicken tenders and tomato sauce pasta with bell pepper slices in it. Yeah, he was actually a great cook, because he loved food and had been living along long enough to learn how to prepare his favorite meals. As the chicken was frying in the pan, he messaged Charlie to check on her and got an instant reply:

**Dean –** _Hey ginger queen how’s everything?_

**Charlie –** _Dean!!!_

**Dean –** _That’s me._

**Dean –** _How hot was your night on a scale of 1 to 10? *smirking face emoji*_

**Charlie –** _Huh pretty good, I’d say 7. But the hangover gets a 12._

Dean chuckled.

**Dean –** _Fair enough._

He put the food he had prepared in a plate and settled down in the living room to eat. His phone beeped again.

**Hailie –** _I won’t lie to you; I thought drunk you was a cutie. Maybe I could have him over at my place some night?_

A little smirk got Dean’s lips moving.

**Dean –** _Anytime. I got to make it up to you._

Maybe he started to like how this girl was always ready with a quick answer.

He ate his chicken and pasta and thought they didn’t taste bad.

On the following night, drunk Dean was over at Hailie’s, making out with her again, tasting her skin through the night again, falling asleep, buried in her arms, into steamy dreams. 


	3. Quiet Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick insight into Dean's everyday life, with a little cliffhanger ~

# CHAPTER THREE

## Quiet Day

As Rachel hadn’t said they would do otherwise, on Monday Dean took the afternoon shift at the store. He arrived at 2 p.m. and was to be there until 10. The day happened to be pretty uneventful until late in the afternoon, when three young teenagers walked in. Dean looked at them with a tender smile that he hid – they made him think of Sam and himself when they were younger. They must have been around 15 years old. They were dressed in similar clothes – with leather or jean jackets, old ones, oversized, ripped on the sides, that they had probably stolen or borrowed from a bigger brother or their father. He wasn’t sure that they were brothers though, they didn’t look alike. One of them had dark hair, the two others chestnut hair. The dark-haired one seemed to have been hit in the face, there was a light bruise on his right cheek.

“Can I help you?” Dean asked the kids as they looked around the store.

They turned to him, and one of the chestnut-haired ones talked: “We wanna buy some beers.” He stated, in a voice that wanted to sound tough but which was actually to deep to fit his body.

Dean helped himself laughing and asked: “Aren’t you a bit too young for that?”

The boy that had talked shook his head. “We always buy beer. We have money.”

Dean was wondering whether he should let them buy it or not. He was thinking that young Sammy and young Dean had done it a hundred times, and they loved when the cashiers pretended not to see that they were underage. But he wasn’t sure that it was a responsible thing to do. And he wasn’t sure that Sam’s and his youth should be an example for the new generations to follow. Or for anyone to follow at all. The three boys were looking at him, waiting for an answer.

“What happened to you?” he asked finally, motioning toward the boy with the bruise.

“Got in a fight.” the boy answered, and he had a much shyer voice than what Dean expected.

“Do you all live far from here?”

The teenagers were patient with him because they could see that maybe they’d get out of here with the much wanted pack of beers.

The boy who had been talking from the beginning shook his head. “Just on the other side of the hill, sir.” he answered politely – with his normal voice this time as he may have understood that playing it tough wouldn’t work with Dean.

Dean nodded slowly. He looked outside; there was no car parked out there: they had come walking. Good. At least giving them some beer wouldn’t mean involving them into a car crash. “Alright boys, you can have a pack – but just one you hear me? They’re right behind the last shelve you see there, besides the freezer.”

Sparkles flashed through their eyes and they rushed towards the place he had indicated, barely managing not to run. He shook his head and sighed. Good times, good memories he thought. They came back with a pack of beer – only one. They paid and were about to leave, but he stopped them.

“Just one thing boys,” he said, “be careful out there okay?” They looked at him waiting for him to be over to bail. “Don’t get into fights if you can avoid it; and if people annoy you just talk about it to someone who can help you, alright?” They nodded with haste. “Alright, go now, enjoy your evening.” he finally allowed them to leave.

The door closed behind them and Dean sighed. He sounded so much like an adult. Too much maybe. He however couldn’t behave like an adult himself apparently – he still drank much more than he should. Having been reminded of nice memories, he took his phone out and texted his little brother.

 **Dean –** _Hey Sammy, how are things going with Jess?_

Sam answered quickly. He was probably already back home from work.

 **Sam** **–** _Hello, Dean. Everything is good here. What about you? When are you coming over for dinner?_

Dean smiled at his phone.

 **Dean –** _Good. Everything’s fine here as well._

 **Dean –** _I don’t know, I don’t want to bother Jess._

 **Sam** **–** _What about me?_

 **Dean –** _What about you? I don’t mind bothering you, you know that. That’s what I’ve done all my life._

 **Sam** **–** _Well get your ass here on Sunday will you, we’ll talk about it._

 **Dean –** _Alright Sammy. I’ll bring this fine wine Jess happened to like the other night._

Jessica had always liked beer, as they did, but she had recently taken to drinking wine.

 **Sam –** _Sounds perfect._

 **Dean –** _See you then. I’ll call you someday this week._

 **Sam –** _Alright. Take care Dean._

Dean sighed, with a faint smile on his face. He sometimes missed his little brother badly, remembering times when they used to live together. He was glad that Jessica was a perfect match for him though, and seeing them so fond of each other never failed to make him happy. Plus, they met quite often, either downtown in a bar, near Dean’s apartment, or at their house and they would then make dinner for him and he’d bring either something to drink, or desert, or sometimes both.

Besides the three young boys who had wanted beers, the customers who walked in were “normal” people, who just took what they needed without asking any question, paid, and left. As his shop was a bit outside of town, Dean didn’t have that many regular customers. It was mostly just people passing by. Therefore, the conversations he had with them weren’t so much… enthralling. It came down to “hello” and “goodbye” most of the time. Sometimes they said “thank you”, sometimes they didn’t. And sometimes they said “good morning”, or “good evening” instead of just “hello”. But that was pretty it.

At ten, he closed the shop. He drove back home and slumped on his little sofa. He checked out his phone: he didn’t have any text for Hailie. And he was the one having sent the last message. He hated double texting, but he thought he might as well put a little more effort in their relationship if they were going to be dating rather than just drunk calling her in the middle of the night. He started to type slowly.

 **Dean –** _Hey, Hailie. Just wanted to let you know that my friend would be glad if you came with us on Thursday night. Just let me know if you’re still in, I guess._

Dean felt that this was the longest text he had sent in a long time. He was used to sending short texts. Long texts were for the arguments or the S.O.S situations when he had to tell everything about a date or whatever to Charlie so that she could give him advice. He didn’t really like long texts.

He waited there for some time but he got no answer whatsoever. His phone was lying on the coffee table while he was lying on the couch. At one point, he just turned it off and put it away so he would stop staring at it. He was starting to get hungry – it was almost 11 and he still hadn’t eaten dinner. He ordered some pizza at the restaurant next door, knowing that the food would be delivered fast. A few minutes later, someone rang at the door. He took some bills out of his pocket to tip the delivery man. When he opened the door, surprise showed all over his face: there stood Hailie.

“Hello, Dean. The money isn’t for me I hope or do you think that I am a call-girl?” she asked with a bright yet mischievous smile.

“Uh, that was for the pizza man I –” he started to explain. She nodded and let herself in. The delivery man arrived a few seconds after that, Dean still hadn’t moved. He paid, took his pizza in and closed the door. “I – what are you doing here?” he finally asked.

Hailie had sat on the couch, he went to sit beside her.

“Well, you gave me your address the other night, and I wanted to see you so I though why not come over. Am I bothering?” she asked. She knew she wasn’t. Dean had only ordered one pizza, so he was alone, and he was all eyes on her. She was wearing a tight sexy leather top that she knew suited her, and a pale blue pair of skinny jeans.

“No of course not, but I wasn’t expecting to see you. I mean –”

“But here I am.” she replied, not even letting him finish to talk. “Are you gonna eat this pizza or are you just gonna wait for it to be totally cold?” she kidded him.

“Uh, good point. Do you want some?”

“No thanks.”

Dean started to eat his pizza with delight. “So, are you still down for Thursday night?” he asked after swallowing his first mouthful.

“Of course.” She paused and let him eat a little more. He was actually eating really fast, rather devouring his pizza than savoring it. “Are you down to let me sleep here tonight?” she asked back.

He stopped eating and looked up at her. “I mean – hell yes I am.”

She giggled. “Good. I haven’t talked to my friends about you yet, is that a problem?”

“Of course not, they’re your friends, they may not want to know that you’re hanging out with an alcoholic douchebag.” he answered.

She smiled again. “But I happen to like him, so I think that I’ll stay with him still.”

Dean had finished his pizza. “I think Charlie is gonna like you.” he said, looking at her.

“Who’s Charlie?”

“My friend, you’ll see her at the movies.”

“Oh, so they’re a “she”. You’re sure that I’m not getting between you two or something?” she asked. There was no jealousy in her voice, it was a genuine question.

“Charlie?” Dean asked surprised, and he laughed. “Oh no no no, you’re more her type than I am.” He explained with a knowing smile.

“Oh, I see.” Hailie answered with a small grin.

Dean leaned forward towards her, and he kissed her gently. "I'm glad you came." he whispered to her ear. She kissed him back roughly.

When they finally both fell asleep, Dean hadn’t checked his phone since he had last texted Hailie, and so he hadn’t seen that the notification light was glistening. On the other side of the phone, someone was desperately waiting for an answer. 


	4. Mixed Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back with a little bit more of Castiel finally!  
> I wrote him as a he/they character so I hope I did it right & that I didn't make things confusing by alternating with the pronouns.  
> See ya!

# CHAPTER FOUR

## Mixed Feelings

Dean was woken up early by Hailie telling him that she had to go to work. He kissed her goodbye, letting his hand linger on her arm; for some reason he didn’t really want her to go. He was starting to feel good with her, although they had spent so little time together. He couldn’t go back to sleep so he got up and took a shower. He then made himself some coffee and brought his cup with him in the living-room. His phone was there. He checked it while he drank the hot liquid. An unknown number had texted him late in the night.

 **Unknown –** _Hey, hello._ (That was a weird way to start a text, Dean thought, but okay why not. They had texted late in the night after all. Maybe they were drunk?) _You said I could text you._

 _Who the hell is that?_ Dean thought. Oh no, maybe he had given his phone number to someone at the casino when he was drunk, to some random girl and said she could text him. That would be a disaster. Truth was, he couldn’t really remember everything that had happened that night and Charlie had been too busy to help him for this matter. More messages followed this one.

**Unknown –** _I’m sorry, I’m really lost, I don’t know what I should do._

**Unknown –** _I promise I won’t smoke anymore, I’ve tossed the cigarette pack away._

Dean thought that it was even worse than if some chick had texted him. It was the confused guy from the store. But how on earth had he gotten his number? Anyway, the man clearly needed help and had plucked up the courage to text him, and Dean hadn’t been there to answer him. Gosh, he hoped that it wasn’t that bad. There was a last text message, sent half an hour or so after the first ones.

**Unknown –** _Never mind, I shouldn’t have texted you. I apologize. It won’t happen again._

God dammit. Dean started to type an answer right away.

 **Dean –** _Hey buddy, I’m so sorry for not answering last night. I was asleep. I hope that you’re alright. You can still text me whenever you want. It’s okay. And it’s a good thing that you won’t smoke anymore. Please, hit me back to tell me how you are._

It was a long text. But the situation made it necessary. Dean put his phone down, glancing almost anxiously at it from time to time. He hoped that the man hadn’t done anything stupid out of sadness or whatever, but he seemed too lost to even do that. An answer would have made him feel better still. He finished his coffee, brought his cup back to the kitchen before slumping again into the couch. He had got a text in the meantime.

**Hailie –** _Thanks for tonight. Can’t wait to see you at the cinema and meet Charlie._

**Hailie –** _P.S.: I’m seeing my friend Jo tonight. Might tell her about you._

Dean put his phone down and didn’t answer, but there was a small smile on his lips.

*

The hours passed by slowly and as Dean sat behind the counter. In the evening eventually, a sweet sound finally rang in his ears: he got a new message. And it _was_ from the lost trench coat guy. He felt relieved and his face lit up without him even realizing.

**Unknown –** _I’m fine. I guess. Can I ask you a question?_

**Dean –** _Sure, go ahead._

**Unknown –** _What’s your name?_

**Dean –** _Dean._

**Unknown –** _Thanks. Would you be free to grab coffee, Dean?_

**Dean –** _Sure. When?_

**Unknown –** _5 p.m. this afternoon?_

**Dean –** _Oh I can’t, I’m working at the store. Tomorrow, same time?_

**Unknown –** _Tomorrow is fine._

**Dean –** _Okay, see you tomorrow then. I’ll text you the address._

**Dean –** _I forgot to ask, what’s your name?_

He didn’t get any answer to this question.

____________

The day after, at 5 p.m. Dean was sitting at a coffee shop – not the one where he went with Charlie because he didn’t want her to see them and ask questions; not to mention that it would probably freak the guy out. It wasn’t too close to where Hailie lived either. But it was a nice little coffee shop still, not so far from the store. He hadn’t heard from the man since they last texted, and he hadn’t got any answer to his last message sending him the address and asking them if they were still down to come, so he wasn’t sure whether they would. The guy was a pretty slow texter apparently.

The dark-haired man showed up five minutes late. They had run or so it seemed. “Hello, Dean. I’m so sorry to be late.” he said in a deep voice. Dean wouldn’t admit it, but there was something in the way the man had said his name that pleased him.

“Hey, calm down, take a breath, everything’s fine.” Dean tried to settle him down.

The man nodded and sat in the booth with Dean.

“So, you didn’t tell me yet, what’s your name?” he asked curiously. Max maybe, he thought.

“Castiel.” the guy answered.

“Wow… that’s a pretty name.” Dean answered sincerely. Not what he expected _at all_. But it matched well the peculiar personality of its owner.

“Really, you think so?” Castiel’s eyes glistened with hope.

“I do. Tell me now, what’s up? You seemed pretty lost when you texted me the other night.” Dean stated. But something resembling fear passed on Castiel’s face. “I mean, you don’t have to, of course.” he hurried to precise. “It’s just – what can I help you with?”

The man hesitated to answer. “I’m new here. I’m just trying to make friends. It’s fine if you don’t wanna be friends with me, I would understand.” That sounded like a lie. Or like a half-truth. They were apparently too sincere to be a good liar. But they seemed sad. And alone. Like a kitten meowing on the sidewalk in the street, calling for you to take it home with you. Dean couldn’t say no to those wide blue eyes. He wouldn’t.

“No, that’s fine don’t worry. We can be friends.” This sentence made him mentally wince, he had probably not uttered such a thing since kindergarten and it felt way too awkward. “What do you wanna drink first?” he asked to brush it off. So far, the whole meeting and conversation felt pretty awkward anyway if he was to be honest with himself.

“I’ll have water with fresh citrus in it, please.” Castiel replied. Dean thought that he probably meant “lemonade”, and that they were even weirder that he had imagined. He nodded though and went to the counter to order.

As he came back with the drinks, he couldn’t help asking the question that was on his mind since he had gotten a text from him: “Hey, how did you get my number by the way? You wouldn’t take it when we met the other day at the store.” he inquired curiously as he sat down.

Castiel tilted his head – which was kind of amusing a posture, Dean thought.

“I went back to the store but you weren’t there, so I asked your colleague.”

“And she just gave it to you?” Dean wasn’t _that_ surprised but he still would have expected Rachel to give him a little heads-up about it.

“I’m sorry.” Castiel apologize, looking down.

“Hey, it’s alright, you did the right thing.” Dean thought about making a joke to lighten the atmosphere but the guy would probably not laugh and rather feel that they would be made fun of. Gosh, this man was even more insecure that some of his former girlfriends, Dean couldn’t help reckoning. As the one who was making conversation, he decided to get back to more traditional questions. Maybe Castiel would get more comfortable with the usual social chit chat and small talk. Or maybe he wouldn’t, this guy was hard to figure out. Perhaps that was what made him interesting. 

“Hum, so, what do you do?”

A light flash of some undecipherable emotion passed through Castiel’s eyes. He sipped his fresh lemonade before answering quickly. “I used to be an architect.”

Dean’s eyes widened in surprise. He was impressed that a guy with a such a job would look so lost in this city to a point where they had had to befriend a cashier like him. He pushed this thought aside as he wanted to know more about the whole history that had led to this situation.

“Used to? Is it the reason you moved here?”

Castiel remained silent for some long seconds during which Dean thought he might have made a mistake by asking too many questions. There was obviously something wrong about Castiel’s moving in town. Maybe he’d better not look too much for the truth. Not until they would trust him enough to feel comfortable to share it with him at least.

“Kind of.” was the answer Dean got for his trouble. He gave Castiel a small, embarrassed smile – he was pretty sure that the guy wouldn’t notice the “embarrassed” part. Castiel didn’t bother to elaborate on his answer and sipped his lemonade in silence. Dean was feeling more and more uneasy and at a loss for words. Castiel didn’t seem to mind. They didn’t even seem to notice. Dean looked at him on the sly, trying to fathom the mysteries the dark blue of his eyes held. But he couldn’t read them. He couldn’t read the man that was sitting across from the table, at all, and that kind of unsettled him as he was usually pretty good at second-guessing people’s thoughts and attitudes. Castiel looked up and, for a split second, stared back in his eyes. Dean didn’t flinch, but his lips parted slightly yet unwittingly. It lasted less than a second and yet Dean could swear that he had felt tension running through his limbs, emanating from Castiel’s body. But Castiel looked down at his watch, and hurriedly blurted out “Uh, I lost tracks of time, I probably should get going. Thanks you, Dean.” He stood up right away and put a twenty dollar bill on the table to pay for the drinks before vanishing away. Dean didn’t even have the chance to answer. He sighed, shook his head and left. He decided that he wouldn’t even try to understand what had just happened. 

*

As he drove back home, he knew that he wouldn’t talk about it to Charlie although he couldn’t exactly tell why. It was just a weird feeling that he couldn’t shake off. He just couldn’t talk about it; not yet. It was too weird. She was gonna ask to many questions that he wouldn’t be able to answer, which would just make him more confused. One subject at a time. And for now, the subject was Hailie.

____________

It was finally Thursday night. Charlie was going to meet Hailie. Dean wasn’t really excited about it, but he wasn’t stressed either. It just didn’t feel like something exceptional was happening. Except that Charlie would hold him accountable at the end of the night, ask him how well he liked her; and that he wasn’t sure he would be able to answer honestly enough.

“Oh look, she’s there.” Dean motioned towards his red-haired friend. “Charlie, over here!” he called her, waving at her for her to join them. She walked to them with a big smile. Dean smiled back at her, but he really wished that she wouldn’t say a thing about the intensive stalking that she must have done on Hailie. He tried to tell her that, somehow, as their eyes met.

“Well, you must be Hailie. I’m super pleased to meet you.” Charlie said enthusiastically.

“And so am I, Charlie.” Hailie answered nicely. “I’ve heard you like spooky movies?”

“Oh, I do. I love them. Did Dean tell you that? I’m already impressed that you know my name. He usually doesn’t share such details from his personal life so easily.” she declared, teasing him as she always did.

“Oh, don’t worry, he still doesn’t. His life remains a mystery to me. But yes, he talked about you quite a few times. You two seem to get along and know each other pretty well.” Hailie replied with a soft laugh.

Dean cleared his throat. “Ladies… I’m right here.” he pointed out, trying to sound annoyed.

“Oh sorry, I thought it was a girls’ night out.” Charly retorted in an even tone.

“Remember you said you wouldn’t try to steal my date?” Dean reminded her. Hailie chuckled.

“Oh, well. Not funny. Anyway, what movie do you wanna see?” Charlie asked, turning towards Hailie to let her the choice. 

“The spooky one is fine by me.” she smiled.

As they got into the room, room 26, after having bought their tickets, Hailie leading the way, Dean received a text message. It was from Castiel. He instantly smiled at his phone when their name appeared on its screen. Charlie caught him, but she didn’t ask any question. She kept this piece of information in the back of her mind, saving it for later.

“Dean’s gonna scream as a baby.” she warned Hailie as they sat down. Dean had let Hailie sit between them, so that the two girls would get to chat a bit and get to know each other, so he was too far away to nudge Charlie for that remark, but otherwise he definitely would have. The girls chatted a great deal, indeed. Dean was dying to know what Charlie thought of Hailie. The movie started but that didn’t make the two girls stop talking. They had a lot of things to say about what was going on onscreen. It wasn’t a big deal though: they were almost alone in the room, whispered pretty quietly to avoid bothering the other spectators and the movie turned out to be a very bad one. They couldn’t help commenting on every poor choice that the director made.

Once it was over, the three of them got out of the cinema, Charlie was talking loud, Hailie was laughing, and Dean was watching them. The girls were still rambling on about the terrible special effects of the movie. Dean had almost not said a word since the movie had started, or since it had ended. He was a few steps behind them, he let them talk, maybe he needed space. He tried to think. To see if seeing Hailie meet his best friend made him happy. But as far as he could tell, it let him numb and indifferent, and kept him wondering whether he was just pushing back his feelings as he often tended to do when it came to relationships, or if he just didn’t care at all. Maybe his inhibition was just playing tricks on him. At least, when he was with girls who weren’t worth it or didn’t appeal to him, it was easier to figure out: he just never presented them to Charlie, didn’t even feel like it. But this whole situation appeared a little more complicated than it should have been.

“Okay, I’ll hand her back to you now.” Charlie said, breaking his train of thought. 

“Thank you Charlie, that’s so nice of you.” he replied ironically. But her eyes let him know that she had seen through him and his daydreaming.

“We should do that again someday, if that’s okay with you.” Hailie offered.

“Sure!” Charlie exclaimed.

“Hum, I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle both of you at the same time once more.” Dean kidded. Charlie elbowed him.

“I’ll let you spend the rest of the night alone then; enjoy, lovebirds.” She waved them goodbye as she walked away, her backpack on her shoulders, putting her dark blue headphones on.

Hailie chuckled. “She’s really sweet.”

“I know.” Dean answered with a smile. And he didn’t feel like wrapping his arm around Hailie’s shoulders as they walked back to her apartment. But she was kind and playful and pretty, and the tension within Dean’s body melted a little as they talked; and her eyes sparkled in the dark.

*

As they started kissing, Hailie smelled like vanilla, or maybe somewhat of lemon. Her lips were soft. Dean could feel her hands wandering on his body. Out of the blue, the image of Castiel, with his trench coat, his messy dark hair and his deep navy irises flashed before his closed eyes. That almost startled him at first, but then spread some sort of heated rage through his whole body. He kissed Hailie harder, let his fingertips sink into her hair, into her skin, he breathed her scent, he wanted her to be the only thing he desired, to make all his senses blind to any other stimulation, to make Castiel vanish, to forget about the lingering lemon scent. She noticed it and she held him tighter.

_

“You’ve never been like that before.” Hailie said, rolling towards him as they were lying under the sheets, resting her head on his chest. “What happened?”

Dean was felt guilty and he didn’t want to let it show but Hailie calling him out like this didn’t help much. Not that thinking about another girl that the one he was having sex with had never happened to him, but first of all never had he thought about a guy before, and second of all he couldn’t do that to Hailie. She was his ‘girlfriend’ after all – yeah, the word still didn’t sit right with him – and had only been kind to him.

“I don’t really know; your skin drove me crazy I guess.” He lied, blushing a little. He paused, then asked: “Was that alright?” He changed his position a bit to feel more comfortable. Hailie looked up at him and kissed him on the cheek.

“It was great.”

He felt relieved, but something lingered deep inside of him as he was trying hard not to let Castiel’s face appear before his eyes again. Hailie still smelled like lemon.

____________

Waking up in Hailie’s arms brought Dean a bittersweet feeling. He could even taste it in his mouth. He rolled to his side of the bed and checked his phone. There was one unread message that he had received late in night.

**Charlie –** _We need to talk._


	5. No Signal

# CHAPTER FIVE

## No Signal

For a dozen of hours, Dean had been dreading to come home, knowing that he would find himself alone with his phone and thus compelled to answer Charlie’s text which he had been carefully ignoring throughout the day. And he knew that with every minute passing by Charlie was getting more and more pissed at him. He collapsed in his sofa, exhausted, opened their conversation on his phone and chose to do what he did best: be in denial.

**Charlie –** _We need to talk._

The text was gleaming before his eyes and he answered with four letters:

**Dean –** _Do we?_

He could feel a headache already looming somewhere in the back of his brain and he just wanted to pass out on his sofa, fully clothed. Hailie had sent him some kind texts over the day, telling him that she was thinking about him and that her friend Jo couldn’t wait to meet him. Maybe that was where the exhaustion came from. He had texted her back evasively, pretending that he had a busy day of work and that he wouldn’t be able to talk much or come over for the night.

Charlie texted him back instantly.

**Charlie –** _Dean Winchester. I swear to god you’re not gonna get away with that this easy._

**Charlie –** _I’m working ‘till late tomorrow but you’d better get your ass over here on Sunday or I’ll beat your pretty face._

**Charlie –** _I mean it._

Yeah, Charlie did spam – usually _a lot,_ and a lot more than that – when she was pissed. Or excited. Or happy. Of course she just wanted what was best for him, but still. He sighed. He only wanted to be left alone and felt like avoiding the whole world. Fortunately enough, he had a good alibi not to go this time.

**Dean –** _Sunday’s lunch at Sammy’s, don’t know at what time I’ll be back in town._

**Dean –** _I’m sorry Charlie._

Before she could blow his phone up, he turned it off. He felt bad for it but that was the best he could do right now. He really did pass out on his couch in the evening, after eating the few leftovers he was able to find in his fridge.

____________

“Hey Sammy!” Dean exclaimed, gloriously holding a bottle of fine red wine and smiling wide as his little brother opened the door. They hadn’t seen each other in a little more than a month and a feeling of relief flowed through Dean’s body as they hugged.

“Missed me?” Sam asked mischievously.

“Of course not what are you talking about?” Dean retorted.

“Yeah of course… Anyway, come on in.” Sam smirked slightly shaking his head.

“Hello Dean!” Jess chimed in as soon as he entered the living room. “How’s my _in-law_ doing?”

“I heard he’s fine. What about you Jess? Isn’t my brother too much of a pain in the ass?”

“Nah, he’s great. And handsome. I’ve gotta say I cannot complain.” she sincerely answered with a soft smile. Dean was happy to see that they got along so well and that Sam had found someone to watch over him.

“Heard that, jerk?” Sam said as he joined them, carrying a trail full of food that he and Jess had cooked together.

“Yeah well… I’m still not taking her word for it you know, ‘love makes lovers blind’ as they say.” he teased back. 

The wine was good and the three of them laughed and messed around, before they moved on to more important subects, like how Sam and Jess were excited for their new life together and how happy Dean was for them.

“And I have an announcement to make.” Sam said, blushing as a sparkle lit up his eyes.

Dean’s eyes widened out of curiosity. “What is it?” He took a quick look at Jess to see if she already knew – of course she did.

“I had an interview at Aston’s Lawyers and it’s safe to say that they like me: I’m starting next week.”

Pride showed all over Dean’s face and he couldn’t help laughing. “That’s my boy! Come here!” he exclaimed, standing up, opening his arms for his brother to come and give him a hug. He patted his back before he pulled back and grabbed his glass off the table, raising it. “Congratulations to my smartass nerdy brother on his first and great job!”

They clinked their glasses and drank more wine and Jessica softly kissed the corner of Sam’s mouth.

Something stirred inside of him, telling him that this was all he had ever dreamed of, deeply, even when he had tried so many times to deny it and downplay it all by getting laid as often as he could by the most beautiful girls he could think of: he dreamed of being loved by someone he could share his life with, who would be there to celebrate every moment of joy with him and support him through the tough ones, and for who he’d give everything because he would care so much that nothing else would matter. He wasn’t jealous of his little brother, of course. He just ached somehow; and drank some more wine to prevent his mouth from tasting the sour taste of his repressed emotions.

They sat down again for dessert who Sam served in tiny plates with little pink flowers painted on them and Dean was sure that he and not Jess had been the one to buy them. A silly smile passed on his lips. “Thanks Sam.”

“What about you Dean? You’re not telling us much, how’s life?”

“Well, there’s nothing new really; everything’s as good as usual. Everything’s fine at the store and Charlie and I hang out quite often so yeah.”

Sam didn’t push. When it got late however, and it was time for Dean to get back home, he walked him to the door.

“Hey, look, I know we didn’t have much time to talk about you but you can call me anytime okay? Or maybe we can eat together in town someday as well, okay?” Meaning he had felt that something was up.

Dean nodded. “Thanks Sammy, I’m sure you’re gonna be pretty busy soon with your new job though.” he smiled.

“You know I’ll always make time for you.”

“I know.” Dean replied, and he hugged his brother goodbye.

“Take care Sammy.”

“Yeah, you too Dean.”

_

The door closed behind him and he walked in a light step to the Impala. He settled in his seat ready to go home when a bad feeling washed over him. The phone in his pocket was getting heavier, trying to remind him of its presence, letting him know that the short period of time he had been allowed to forget about it and his text messages was over. He reluctantly took it out and turned it on.

**Charlie –** _Call me._

That was all. Not as worse as he had imagined. He turned the engine on and went home, with no intention whatsoever to call her. He could just wait until their movie night to see her and think things through until then. Or make up the best lie he would be able to come up with about whatever he had to lie about. He was not sure what it really was yet.

Of course hardly had he reached home when another text from Charlie came in. He read it while opening the door.

**Charlie –** _I know you’re not there anymore, call me or I’ll tell Sam I’m worried about you._

Damn she was fast. But Dean knew she wouldn’t do it. Sam would probably overreact if she told him, or not care at all, and neither options would help her get Dean to talk and make her point. He wasn’t even certain as to why they _needed_ to talk so badly. It was not like he hadn’t messed up relationships before and she had never been so adamant about him doing it right.

It was getting dark outside and with dark almost came _lonely._ Dean stared at his phone absent-mindedly, wishing that someone would text him. Hailie maybe? Maybe not. She had been the one to send the last message in their chat and Dean’s previous reply had been cold enough for her to wait for some explanation. Maybe Castiel then; one of his riddle-like messages would bring some distraction. No notification came to disturb the silence however, yet a knock on the door shattered the darkness. Dean startled and walked to the door which he hurriedly unlocked. He got pushed aside by Charlie who didn’t let him time to make any objection before she made her way in and settled down on the couch.

“Charlie wha—”

“First of all I’m upset and mad that you thought ignoring me was okay. And second of all I’m even more upset that you still don’t trust me enough to tell me what the hell is going on and to talk to me instead of repressing your feelings and shutting yourself away like this. I mean come on Dean I’m your best friend and you hadn’t acted like that in years what on earth happened?” She was mad and pretty worried at the same time and couldn’t help bouncing her leg. Dean came sit down on the armchair next to her.

“Ugh… I’m sorry Charlie okay I just … You said we needed to talk and I freaked out I guess I didn’t know what to say and I just thought that avoiding you would buy me time to sort things out… You know I didn’t mean to hurt you it won’t happen again I promise.” he said abashed. He felt bad, but at the same time glad that she had forced her way to him, maybe he did need help since he wasn’t the best at figuring out his feelings alone.

“No but really, don’t ignore me ever again, I hate you when you’re acting like that. I mean it.” she said firmly before she let her voice soften – she couldn’t stay mad at him for too long: “Okay… so, is there anything you need to tell me? Because you didn’t fool me back at the cinema, maybe Hailie didn’t see through your act but I did, it was like you weren’t there. And mark my words: if you don’t like her, you can leave her, the sooner the quicker she’ll get over it. So, can you think of anything we might need to discuss?”

Images of Castiel flooded Dean’s mind; close ups of his eyes, the silhouette of his trench-coat, his subtle smell of lemon; and then his pink chapped lips… Dean looked up at Charlie and took a deep breath. This was his chance to come clean. “Actually yeah… There’s this guy, handsome, deep blue eyes, dark hair, the mysterious type… — Wait, do you wanna drink something?” he interrupted himself abruptly.

“Sure why not, if we’re gonna talk for a while. Anything you’ll have.”

Dean walked away to the kitchen to grab them drinks. 

“Except if it’s whiskey!” she called.

“I know!” he answered loudly with a smile.

He came back with a whiskey without ice for him and a strawberry juice for her. He handed her the bottle and sat down again.

“Okay so, about this handsome guy.” Charlie reminded him patiently.

“Hum well” he started again, slowly, and he looked down “I… saw him with Hailie, chatting and laughing in the streets… and it took me off guard I guess… had me wondering if she really wanted to be with me, if I really were the man she needs, you know.” When he finished uttering his improvised lie, he looked back at Charlie. Guilt was almost suffocating him for he knew he was betraying both his best friend and his girlfriend while everything could have been so much more simple as Charlie had suggested it. And he had just promised her – But something inside of him was pushing back, silencing him even when sometimes he wanted to scream. In a split second it was too late. To take it back. To make it right. Charlie believed him:

“Oh Dean! I’m sure he’s just her best friend, or her brother! Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I can find him on social media in less than a minute you know that—”

“Please don’t! …” Dean exclaimed by reflex. He was on edge.

“I won’t – I won’t, I know you don’t like it when I do that. But she’s really into you Dean, I could tell by the way she looked at you. I know a keeper when I see one and she definitely is one. I mean, if that’s what you’ve been worried about you can relax, you’re fine. Did you at least ask her about this guy?”

Dean sighed. He hated himself for everything and he was the one to blame for making himself feel so miserable. But now it was too late, he didn’t have the courage to explain everything. To bring up _Castiel,_ the man that he wanted to erase from his memory. “No I didn’t — I didn’t want her to think that I was possessive…” he lied again.

“Dean, it’s just one question that can make you feel better; plus, it shows her that you care.”

Dean didn’t answer. He sipped his whiskey. He was gonna need more whiskey.

Charlie’s eyes widened all of a sudden. “Wait. You’ve been ignoring her as well haven’t you??”

“I — not really. But yeah I wasn’t the perfect… _boyfriend_ either these past days.” he admitted.

“Okay well,” she drank a little bit more of the pink juice “you should apologize to her. You’ve not committed to a serious relationship for a long time. so far you’ve done the best you could and she seems nice; I’m sure she’ll understand.” she smiled at him kindly to try and comfort him.

“Thanks Charlie.” Dean forced a smile. “I’m sorry, again.”

“You’re okay dumbass. Just know that I will hack into your phone and put you on speaker next time you don’t answer me.” she teased him.

“Yeah I know you will.”

“Alright! Now that everything’s sorted out text her.”

“What?”

“Text her. See if when she’s free for a date to make things right. And then I’ll help you pick a cute outfit to impress her.” She winked at him with a knowing smile which felt to Dean like he had been punched in the stomach.

“I’ll do it tomorrow when I wake up.”

“No do it now, I wanna see you send it. No more avoiding her.”

“It’s too late. She’s gonna think I’m drunk or using her not to feel lonely.”

“Okay fair enough.”

Case closed, Dean was finally allowed to change the subject, and he asked about Charlie and they talked about her job. He was actually a good listener and learnt and remembered some things she explained to him about programming – when she explained simply and slowly and didn’t go full nerd on him – so his questions were more and more precise and relevant every time they met, which made Charlie nerdier and nerdier, and more and more excited to talk about the projects she was working on. He didn’t ask her that out of kindness, he was genuinely interested by her skills and knowledge and her stories about how she could hack into anything. He was getting better at understanding how things worked and what was at stake in each mission she shared with him and that made him grow more involved into their conversation each time they talked about it.

Little time after that, she left. Dean took his phone out, he had someone to text.

**Dean –** _Hey Castiel. Wanna hang out?_


	6. Mistakes Are Meant To Be Made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little time skip babies >>>>>

# CHAPTER SIX

## Mistakes Are Meant To Be Made

(aka bi panic)

As agreed with Charlie, Dean had made things right with Hailie and his feeling of guilt and shame and self-loathing had faded away like a bad memory that you can forget. There had been no more lies and no more isolation from Dean, but more cinema nights, more lunches at Sam’s, more dates with Hailie and Dean had almost grown protective of her _which is a sign of love right?_ , more parties and some more grabbing coffee with Castiel to check on him – and he had been getting better – or so it seemed. Dean had even told Sam and Charlie about this new friend of his, making sure that he never mentioned his appearance to Charlie for fear that she would make the connection with Hailie’s friend he had allegedly been jealous of. And thank god Charlie was a lesbian so she didn’t give a damn about what he looked like and had never asked whether he was good looking or how he was looking at all.

*

On a rainy night, Dean had finally invited Castiel over after weeks of taming him – that’s what friends do, right? He had tried to win his trust and some confidences about his personal life – which, to be honest, still remained very obscure to him to this day. And there they were, chatting and drinking beers. “Chatting” wasn’t the right word when it came to having a conversation with Castiel, but Dean still hadn’t figured out what that could actually correspond to. There wasn’t a profusion of words, but a lot of silence. Dean had felt uncomfortable at first because of that, but now it was just natural to him to talk that way, and peaceful. It wasn’t that Castiel didn’t have anything to say, or that he didn’t want to answer, only that he was thinking thoroughly about the what was being said and that he wouldn’t give any answer that may not be true to him. 

Castiel had drunk one beer, to please Dean, but he said he’d prefer some sparkling water for the rest of the evening, if that was alright. He wasn’t into alcohol so much.

“Sure, but I’ll go on with my sparkling beer, if that’s alright.” Dean declared with a wink as he walked away to go fetch Castiel’s politely requested beverage.

Dean had one beer, then two, then five… He was quite tipsy to say the least. And Castiel was here, sat on the couch next to him, talking to him about his personal life, confiding in him, eventually. He took this opportunity to ask the questions that had remained unanswered until then.

“What happened to you, Cas?” He didn’t need to say more, Castiel knew exactly what he was talking about.

“I designed a house for my fiancée and I, for us to live together in when we would be married.”

Dean brain had frozen at the word “fiancée” and he didn’t even hear what had followed but his heartbeat racing. Hopefully, Castiel would mistake the void in his eyes for some lag in his brain cause by alcohol.

“And after years of work, the day we were supposed to finally move in together, I arrived there to find him kissing with his best friend, and he was holding him so tenderly, I had never seen that light in his eyes – ...” his voice had slowly faded away as he had uttered that last sentence. “And I lost the only two things that I had and that meant the world to me, that I had poured all my love and being into.”

Dean got a grip on himself. Castiel was opening up to him about what was probably his biggest heartbreak. He could see in his deep blue eyes that he was aching, that he still wanted to curl himself up to heal the pain.

“I’m so sorry Cas, you didn’t deserve that… He didn’t deserve you. Is that the reason why you tried to start smoking?” Dean was focusing hard on the words he pronounced, as well as on the ones Castiel used, because he knew how important the conversation they were having was to him. He didn’t want to sound too drunk, inattentive or to slur; he had to deserve the trust Castiel lent him. But he couldn’t find the right thing to say in such a situation any word he could find sounded weak and hollow and pointless in comparison to what Castiel must have endured, like raindrops on a wildfire.

“Yes. I thought it might help me ease the tension that was building in. It felt like I was about to implode. Or that at least it would turn me into someone else to help me forget for a while, until I would get better.” He sipped his sparkling water and put the glass back down on the coffee table. “But you were right, that was a stupid thing to do.” There was a silence and, this time, they were staring into each other’s eyes.

“I wouldn’t want you to be anyone else.” Dean said in hushed tones. He reached for Castiel’s head with his hand, slowly, pulling him into a kiss. It was a very soft and light kiss, as if a butterfly had landed on his lips. And Castiel didn’t pull back. Not right away at least. But then he did, slowly, as well, and looked intensely into Dean’s eyes again.

“I want you, Cas.” Dean said with a husky voice. He knew he was wrong. That Castiel was certainly still in pain from his separation, from everything, still recovering, and that he had better listen to him than kiss him but it all had felt so right. He was under the impression that a light glow came from Castiel, something of gold. Even his blue eyes didn’t blame him, they weren’t mad. Dean was ready to kiss him again, to kiss him more, he was only waiting for Castiel to say that he could, that he wanted it as well.

“You can’t, Dean. It’s not right.” His tender lips had just contradicted his eyes and this light golden glow that Dean swore he could touch.

Dean ached. “Why?” he asked, almost pleading like a child who cannot understand why he’s denied the toy of his dreams. Except that Castiel wasn’t a toy. He was the most beautiful and the most endearing man that Dean had ever got to lay his eyes upon.

“Because Hailie.” Castiel stated, and that explained it all. The letters of her name sent an electric surge into Dean’s body, immediately sobering him up.

“Hailie…” he let out in a whisper, as if he had suddenly been reminded of the existence of his girlfriend. But the word “girlfriend” had an eerie dissonance to it. How could he forget? Because he didn’t love her, of course.

“I think I should go.” Castiel declared and he got up. Dean looked back at him.

“No Cas, wait…” Dean tried to convince him. “Please…I’m sorry, I am.”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to, Dean. It’s better if I go.” And he walked away.

“Text me, please.” Dean asked as Castiel passed the threshold. Castiel stopped a few seconds to give him one last look; Dean didn’t get any answer however but the sound of the door closing behind him. The house felt empty and so did Dean’s chest. How could the evening have gone wrong in so little time?

*

“Hey Charlie, are you free to talk?”

_“You’re drunk Dean, I can hear it.”_

“Yeah… might be the reason why I called you.”

_“What happened?”_

“Castiel was over here. I kissed him I couldn’t help it… it felt so natural Charlie I can’t explain…”

_“Gosh Dean! Is he still there with you?”_

“No. He reminded me about Hailie and left.”

 _“He “reminded”_ _you? Because you managed to forget about her? How many beers did you have? At least there’s one good guy in the story I guess.”_ Charlie scolded, coldly. She was besides herself; Dean knew her. She had always been fair about that: she was as mad at Dean when he hurt girls as much as she was protective over him when he was the one to be played.

“Charlie, please… It’s not what I need right now…”

_“Well, maybe you need a brain, could come handy.”_

“Please, Charlie. Just give me a break. Help me out here.”

_“Dean, it’s not me that you should be talking to right now, you know that. You messed up I can’t fix it for you. You need to talk to her.”_

Dean paused to think. “I’ll call her when I’ve sobered up. Hell no, I’ll go see her.” he concluded, almost for himself.

_“Yeah, that’s the best thing you can do. Call me back then.”_

“Alright, thanks Charlie. And sorry. I mean it.”

_“Bye.”_

She hanged up. And indeed, Dean was very sorry. Some idle moments passed upon him, and he didn’t move. He stared in the distance. He could feel the empty place that Castiel had left, just besides him. His thoughts were whirling in his mind, but slowly, and they were distorted, and tainted, and stained, and got little holes in them, like very very old photos of when that someone finds back in their drawer when it’s time to clean up years after and move out. He thought about Hailie and he thought of Castiel. And there were tears streaming down Hailie’s cheeks and he couldn’t take it, he wanted to clench his fists and take her pain and sorrow away but was too numb for that. And Castiel was fading away in a blurry haze. And there he stayed in his living room alone and exhausted and stunned.


	7. Talk

# CHAPTER SEVEN

## Talk 

“Hey, what’s up?” Hailie asked him as she opened the door with a smile to let Dean in. She was wearing a light yet comfy dress and was visibly happy to see him. He had texted her earlier to see if she was free in the afternoon, and she was. She got on the tip of her toes to lightly kiss his lips but he pulled back quickly.

“I need to talk to you.” he said seriously, making his way to the living-room. Hailie frowned and followed him.

“Are you okay Dean?” She was worried and looked attentively at him, waiting for him to speak. “Are _we_ okay…?” He looked up towards her at these words, then back down at the ground because he was too ashamed to stand the tender look she gave him. 

“I kissed a guy last night. I was drunk and I kissed him.” he declared, downcast, guilt weighing on him, forbidding him to look up, He waited for her sentence. For her anger to be unleashed upon him. But nothing happened and he looked up slowly. “I’m so sorry Hailie… It’s not what you deserve. I know I’m not treating you right. I don’t try hard enough. If you don’t want to hear from me anymore, I’ll be on my way, you won’t have to worry about me again.” He hurt. He was happy with her, but it was a quiet happiness and he thought that maybe it would be easier if she just chose to let it go; he didn’t feel brave enough to do it himself and break up with her although it would have been the right thing to do. Hailie stood up, her hands upon her face, taking deep breaths. She sat down again and talked with a chocked voice.

“I don’t know Dean. I feel like the choice is not mine to make. I don’t know who this guy is or what he means to you. You are the only one to know if you still want to be with me and try to make things right this time or not.”

She was offering him a second chance. He tried to settle down, to think and make the stress go away. But the fact that she wasn’t dumping him and let him choose seemed to bring him even more stress. Because choosing to stay with her and mess up again would be the worst thing he could do to her. And to himself. He took slightly too much time to answer, and that betrayed him. Her eyes darkened, letting pain show through. She stood up and walked away but Dean followed her quickly.

“Hailie… You know that I like you a great deal. Please…”

She closed her room door before him.

“Please, let me in.” he asked with a soft voice.

“You can go away, Dean. You came here to break up with me. You had what you wanted. Just go.” her muffled voice said through the door. She must have been hunched up on the bed, Dean imagined. He had never seen sad before.

“I didn’t come for that Hailie I just –”

“Well, I’m the one breaking up with you then. Case closed.” Her tone was firmer now.

Then there was silence. Dean was standing just before the door. She was the one to speak again.

“Do you like him?” she enquired in a quiet tiny voice. Dean felt the urge to comfort her and hold her in his arms – but like a friend would…

“He’s… a friend.” Dean wondered if he was lying and something burnt him from inside.

“You like him…” Hailie concluded, her voice breaking. Dean let his hand slide down the door. He could hear her sob softly and he was powerless.

“I like you…” he echoed. He knew he wasn’t lying this time.

No answer. Hailie might as well have vanished from her room.

“Hailie, please open up. I don’t want to let you like that. You know that I care…”

“What do you want, Dean?” she burst out “Bang me one last time before you go?” she added almost violently and there’s was spite in her voice.

Dean knew she was right. The best thing he could do right now was to let her be. He went home. He couldn’t help sending her a text as soon as he got there.

 **Dean –** _I do care about you. I’m so sorry, Hailie._

“Please, say something…” he added in mind. He was desperate to get a text, from Hailie, from Castiel, any of them. Or even from Charlie. Someone he could talk to. He didn’t even know if Castiel had been wanting to kiss him as well. Maybe he had just been a drunk douchebag who forces people to kiss them by taking them by surprise. He hated this thought. And maybe Castiel hated him as well now. He couldn’t stay like this, doing nothing and texted Charlie because she was always the best and he needed her help once more.

 **Dean –** _Charlie I messed up so bad. Hailie won’t talk to me or answer me, could you check on her, please?_

**Dean –** _I’m so sorry_

*

The phone rang. That startled Dean awake and was quick to answer, barely having the time to read the name written on the screen.

“Hey.”

_“Hello, Dean. Is everything fine? Your voice sounds a little… hoarse I guess?”_

“Yeah, everything’s good Sammy. I was just taking a quick nap.”

Sam sighed on the other side of the phone but Dean knew better.

“ _Hangover? I guess that Charlie had to take you home, again_?” he asked, amused.

“Again.” Dean lied. But Sam had just given him a good excuse to avoid talking about either Hailie or Castiel. Sam knew nothing about Castiel, and very little about Hailie, but Dean would probably have to spit it out next time they would have dinner together. “She’s such a sweetie.” he added with a tender smile that he meant. “Anyway, what’s up?” he asked, to change the subject.

_“Jess has some friends over at the house tonight. I was thinking that maybe I could come downtown at yours this evening. It’s been forever since we haven’t hanged out together, just the two of us. But if you’re still too hangover and want to get to bed early we can take a raincheck, no problem.”_

“No, no, I’d be happy to see you.” Dean hastened to say. “Come over. I’ll go check in the fridge if I have some beers left.”

_“Great. You can tell me everything about last night when I get there. Is 7 good for you?”_

“Perfect, Sammy.”

_“Okay, see you then!”_

Dean smiled and hanged up. Oh he loved his little brother. It would do him good to see him.

Staring down at his phone, he saw that Hailie hasn’t answered him but he had several unread texts from Charlie.

 **Charlie –** _Jesus Christ Dean!! I thought we talked about this!_

 **Charlie –** _Okay I’m on it I’ll keep you updated._

\--

 **Charlie –** _She’s been crying for two hours now. I’m so mad at you. I had *warned* you about this._

 **Charlie –** _You don’t get to talk to her anymore or see her unless I say so. Understood?_

\--

 **Charlie –** _Dean, are you okay?_

 **Charlie –** _??_

Dean sighed, he couldn’t help it; his body was filled with too much sorrow and he had to let it out. Charlie hadn’t been very tender to him but he deserved it and he wasn’t asking for her to be anyway. He had asked her to take care of Hailie and it was exactly what she was doing, and she was doing it right – much more than he had. He texted her back.

 **Dean –** _I’m okay Charlie. I just fell asleep. Sam’s coming over tonight. I’m sorry for all this, I really am._

 **Dean –** _I’ll see you later._

He got up difficulty and headed towards the fridge. There was one beer left. He sighed. He needed to go out to buy some more.

_

At 7 o’clock sharp, Sam was knocking on his door.

“Hey, Sammy.” Dean greeted him. Sam made his way in. He had brought dinner with him. Not the delicious stuff that he cooked himself, but good old junk food – he knew that it was what Dean probably needed regarding the state he was in.

Sam settled down on the couch and Dean brought them two fresh beers. They clinked their bottled together and drank a little. Dean sipped his beer in silence, savoring the last seconds of quietness before Sam would start asking questions. He didn’t even try to put the whole conversation off as he would normally have done by asking random questions himself and acting as if everything was fine. He calmly waited, standing near the couch, for Sam to shoot his questions because he knew that once he would get started there would be now turn back. His younger brother cleared put his beer on the coffee table and cleared his throat. There we go, Dean thought.

“So… Do you want to tell me about last night? What make you drink so much?”

That was an easy and simple question at first sight. An almost innocent small-talk one. But Sam was cleverer than that he knew exactly that Dean’s answer would lead to deeper subjects and problems.

“Hum… To sum it up, I’ve got this girlfriend –”

“Hailie right?”

“Yeah.” Dean smiled a little at his brother’s perfect memory. He remembered literally _everything_. Anyway. “Well, I’ve also got this friend I didn’t tell you about yet, because I met him a few weeks ago; his name is Castiel.”

Sam nodded. Probably to let him know that he had mentally noted down the name of this new friend of his. He was waiting patiently for Dean to continue. He was a very good listener as well. Even more than Charlie Dean would sometimes say, even if Charlie knew better how to pull him out those tricky situations he put himself in.

“He came over last night. And I got drunk. The most miserable about this is that I got drunk _alone_ because he only had sparling water.” He paused. Drank some beer. Sat down next to his brother on the couch. “And I kissed him, I don’t know why, don’t ask me about it, I still haven’t figured it out.” There. He had said it. He expected some sort of reaction from Sam but nothing came from him except for this deep attention; Sam could tell the story wasn’t over yet. A little bit disoriented by his brother’s calm, Dean continued. “Then he just left. So this morning I went to see Hailie, I wanted to make things right if I could, you know, if she didn’t want to leave me. But she did, she said I liked him; I tried to tell him that he was just a friend but she wouldn’–”

“He isn’t though Dean, is he?” Sam interrupted him. Dean looked at him, surprised. His heartbeat was racing.

“I – he is! why would any of you think otherwise?” he asked, a little bothered.

“Because you get flustered whenever you’re around him? And you think about him more often that you’d like to? Like more often that you’d willingly like to admit?”

Dean’s eyes widened slightly. Images of Castiel flooded his mind. He stammered “H-how –”

“How would I know? Because I know you Dean. And because I’ve been there before.”

Dean was getting more and more confused and his head ached a little making him reluctant to drink some more beer to make it all go away.

“You know this guy from college I’d told you about? Andy?”

“What about him?” Dean asked, bewildered. He couldn’t see what Sam’s best friend could possibly have to do with him having kissed Castiel.

“He was my first.”

“Your first wha –” His jaw dropped open as realization suddenly hit him and Sam watched him quietly, letting him time to take the information in.

“First boyfriend, yes.” Sam confirmed, nodding with a small smile. “I’m bi.” he added, “And I think you might be too from what or telling me. Or maybe you’re pan or I don’t know you tell me but you’re absolutely not straight.”

Dean took his beer off the coffee table and drank it in one go. “I think I need another one.” he simply replied, walking to the fridge.

“Yeah easy there cowboy, you might wanna eat a little bit too before these delicious tacos I brought you go cold and you get yourself another hangover.” Sam called him.

Dean came back with another beer anyway and bit eagerly in the beef taco that his brother handed him once he sat down on the couch.

“Hum, this is delicious Sammy, thank you.” he said his mouth still full.

“So?” Sam asked.

“So what?” Dean asked casually.

“What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know Sammy.” You could almost see the gearwheel of his brain work from the outside as he tried to process everything that had just been said. He stopped eating, focusing on something he was trying to say. “When did you know you were bi?” he asked.

“When I realized I had a crush on Andy. And that I allowed myself to accept it.”

Dean nodded slowly. Ensued a long conversation through which Sam tried to explain to Dean the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality. Dean asked a lot of questions to make sure he understood it al well and wouldn’t make mistakes about it. By the end of it, they had both finished their tacos.

“And so you really think I might be bi?” he inquired.

“Well, what do you think?”

“I don’t know… maybe?”

“Don’t worry, it takes some time to figure those things out. But I’m here if you have questions or need to talk to someone about it, you know. Charlie could help you as well.” Sam smiled. “But labelling yourself is not the important part, you don’t even _have to_. The important thing is to figure out who you want to be with, between Hailie and Castiel – if you want to be with any of them.”

“Well Charlie doesn’t want me to approach Hailie anymore so…”

“That’s not an excuse that will work with me Dean, you know that don’t you?”

“Yeah… I think I need some time to think about it man. And I do need time to sober up as well I’m too old to be drinking that much god.”

Sam glanced at his watch. “It’s getting late anyway so unless you want me staying on your couch I’ll let you get yourself to sleep.”

Dean nodded and stood up. “Come here.” he said, opening his arms to hug his brother. He patted his back. “Thank you Sammy.”

“I’m glad I could help. You’ll be okay. Don’t forget that you can call me.”

They pulled back.

“I will.”

Dean walked his brother back to the door.

“Take care on you way home. Say hello to Jessica for me.”

Sam smiled and waved him goodbye, letting Dean close the door.

Dean felt calmer, as if a weight had been lifted off his chest. He could breathe steadily. He threw the waste away and went to sleep. He turned his phone off for the night but only after he had sent one last text for the day; he knew that he wouldn’t get an answer right away.

**Dean –** _Hey, Cas. Can we meet?_

Some of Sam’s words still resonated in his mind. _When I realized I had a crush on Andy. And that I allowed myself to accept it._ Did he have a crush on Castiel? This was about the silliest question he had ever asked himself. Of course. Of course he did. You don’t just daydream randomly about someone, and you certainly don’t kiss them when you’re drunk and that your body and soul can finally speak their truth without your mind keeping them under close watch. And most of all, they don’t make you forget about your own _girlfriend_ for fuck’s sake. So that would be a yes. Yes Dean did have a crush on Castiel. A big crush. Maybe the biggest he had ever had in his entire life; he was falling hard for those blue eyes. As his consciousness faded away to sleep, he let himself recall the fleeting kiss they had shared and this recollection brought him warmth, spreading it through his whole body, but it was a warmth tinged with guilt and remorse.


End file.
